No tears in Heaven...

This week has been hard, to say the least. It is so comforting to think about Tony, in Heaven, pain-free, cancer-free, worry-free, in the presence of the Almighty, singing with the choir of angels, walking down that street of gold, probably throwing a frisbee, and rockin' out to some Family Force 5. But as I've told a few people, I haven't really let it hit me yet. I know that he's gone;I'm not living in a dream world, but I haven't really been able to let it sink in. I have found myself doing all sorts of things to stay busy. I haven't allowed myself a free moment; I've even kept myself busy until I am falling asleep sitting up, so that I don't have down time in bed before I fall asleep...which doesn't always work. Like my good friend Whitney, I've found myself in the past few days, longing to be with Tony and our Father. It's not that I don't appreciate the many blessings I have here but that I miss him so much, and I know that he is in the land where no tears and no pain exist. I can't wait for that day when I can be with Tony and Jesi and all the others who have gone on before us and are there with the Lord who has prepared a place for those of us who are faithfully waiting for His return.

I have also found myself almost to the point of anger in the past few days. It's not that I'm angry that he's gone, but that I'm angry that there are people that I see here every day that are wasting their lives away. Tony lived every minute of his life to the very fullest for the glory of the Lord, and there are people with wonderful lives handed to them on silver platters and they're just giving it away for the 'pleasures' of this world. I think maybe my anger is stemming from my lack of grieving or dealing with my own emotions, but I have a feeling once I get to Fayetteville with all of my family and friends, who all loved Tony, it will hit hard. I'm just hoping to avoid a complete emotional breakdown (which, if you know me, is almost incomprehensible), but is fairly likely at this point.

So, here's one of my favorite pictures of me and Tony (its from a few years back), and a great verse to think and dream about.



And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Revelation 21:4

God Bless each and every one of you, and thank you for reading my ramblings.